After a brief scan of my Facebook feed it seems I somehow missed that the end of the world is happening on 12/21/12. China apparently has shown great interest in preparing for the apocalyptic doomsday by stockpiling candles. At least I won’t have to worry about sun exposure since there will be no light. We all know that vanity is my forte, so it should come as no great surprise that my first thought was holy smokes, who is going to do my microdermabrasion? If I survive the apocalypse, how on earth will I combat the steady and dreadful cadence of time as it swallows my face whole leaving sagging jowls and neck wrinkles in its wake? Naturally, I thought about stockpiling facial scrubs and Botox much like the Chinese and their candles. Think of how rich I will be when the House Wives of Atlanta are scrambling to trade me 10 bags of coffee, a goose, and their last bit of vicodan for a bottle of Botox and a clean needle! I think I am on to something. It can’t be that I am the only femme fatale that is lying in the bathtub with a glass of wine thinking about post-apocalyptic skin care and so I carefully constructed a survival list for you:
1. Folks will be trading food and what not instead of currency so stock up on sugar. Sugar makes for a great exfoliator. You can take a little ash from your fire and some fat from the goose you were traded and mix it all up with the sugar to create an exfoliating soap. I swear this is how Cleopatra did it between milk baths. Or if you are very rich and smart, like I will be, you could just mix a little sugar in with a gentle cleanser.
2. In an addition to sugar, be sure to hoard honey. A cleanser, anti-bacterial, and moisturizer all in one, honey will be pure gold. Especially when everyone notices your pretty and plump skin while they are sitting by candle light playing rummy. That’s right no IPhones after the apocalypse.
3. Oils will make for good currency. They will of course be needed for cooking and providing nutrition, but more importantly they will condition your hair and treat acne. Argan oil, coconut oil, and olive oils will be the most prized. I, myself, think I will go on a whim this week and buy up all of the unrefined coconut oil at whole foods to put on the shelf with my Botox and fancy face exfoliants.
I hope this little list jumpstarts your preparations for skin survival after this Fridays “end of the world as we know it party.” What beauty product or procedure will you have a hard time going without after the apocalypse?